3:17 p.m. - 2006-09-25
Skittl3s and Dr!ftr, Part 1
To clarify what I said in my first entry, I have noplace else to go. Well, I guess that's not entirely true either.

My best guy friend, J3sse, asked me to stay in CA and marry him three months ago.

J3sse and I have a history. This entry can be used as a preface. (it would probably help if I included that Tom is my son Danny's father, huh?)

What I didn't mention there about J3sse was that the very first time I came over, he was the one that answered the door and my tummy fluttered when I saw him. I very quickly dismissed that flutter when I was introduced to Amy, his girlfriend at the time. I dismissed it even more as I got closer to Tom, and J3sse got more jealous, escalating to the point that J3sse and I despised the very sight of each other.

When I was about 7 months pregnant with Danny, Amy got into a huge fight with her mom. Teno always got the boys working for him with his contracting business, and hardly ever gave the boys a cut of it, so J3sse was pretty much at his limit with that. J3sse and Amy blew town, hitchhiking all the way back to J3sse's hometown of Whittier, CA.

They'd been staying with J3sse's mom for about a month when J3sse got picked up for something his younger brother, Caesar, did. It had been a while since Caesar committed the crime, and he had a new wife and baby. J3sse, considering himself the man of the family, accepted the rap for his bro and was sentenced to 18 months in state prison.

Amy stayed with J3sse's mom for another couple of months before she called her mom and begged to come home. J3sse's mom was very protective of her, and wouldn't let her go anywhere without one of J3sse's brothers with her.

She came back to Fremont, and the moment I saw her, I knew there would be trouble. She'd obviously been too sheltered by J3sse's mom to get her crank fix, because the skinny girl had turned curvy and slightly top-heavy, and her skin had cleared up. Tom had previously hated her, and suddenly he was very nice to her. Even nicer to her than he was to me.

Christmas rolled around, and I felt Tom pull away even more. I couldn't figure out what was going on. We weren't even having sex anymore. I felt fat, ugly, totally unloved and completely ignored. Tom claimed it was because of the holidays, but I had other ideas.

Amy had stayed with her mom for about a week before she moved into Kathy and Teno's apartment. I voiced my concerns to the boy's best friend Mike, and he assured me that nothing was amiss.

I held onto believing in Mike's testimonial of his friend's loyalty to me until Alexis called me one day (February 5, 1997 to be exact... 11 days before our one year anniversary, and less than a month before Danny was born), frantic. She said she'd gone up to the bedroom that the boys shared to ask Tom a question, and the door was locked. She distinctly heard the bed squeaking. I'll eliminate a lot of unneccesary details here by just saying that that was the end of Tom and I.

Tom and Amy didn't last very long either, and when I didn't take him back, he returned to his hometown of La Habra (a stone's throw from Whittier).

All that remained of our previously happy little crew was Mike, Alexis, Teno and Kathy. When Danny was six weeks old, I began taking him on regular visits to Kathy's house. She started talking about letters she was getting from J3sse, and encouraged me to write him also. I was hesitant at first, considering there had been no love lost between the two of us.

Finally I wrote him, and he wrote me a very nice letter in return. The fact that our two loves had so thoroughly betrayed us turned out to be a huge bonding point, and we helped each other to heal. We became even closer when Heather and I got into the one fight we've had during our entire friendship, and for the 4 months that she and I were not speaking, he was the only person I could talk to about anything. We became the very best of friends, and then I realized I had feelings for him. I confessed to him and he said that he suspected that he might also, but did not want to confuse loneliness for genuine feelings. We waited to discuss it more until he was released from prison.

For months, we talked almost every night on the phone. Summer came and he flew up to see me. Love smacked us both in the face like a ton of bricks.

I will finish this tomorrow. :) Try not to perish in a sweat of anticipation before then over a story from little ole me .

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